Annie – My Relationship
July 3, 2008This past year I found my relationship with the Japanese American community at a crossroads. Had we grown apart? Had we never been right for each other in the first place? Was there something else? Maybe another community? Was it a lack of communication? Or was the love just gone? And the big question—could it be worked out, or was it time to go our separate ways?
However, as I struggled with these questions, I will be the first to admit that I was the main instigator of the conflict I was having with the Japanese American community. You see, for the past few years, I have been flirting with another community off and on. After six years of exploration, a few casual events, and two weeks in the motherland, I was ready to make a commitment to the Korean American community and to being Korean American.
I joined a Korean drumming group in college and I began to buy kimchi in bulk. I flirted with using my Korean name, Hyun Sook, instead of my American name, and I spent many a cold Berkeley night huddled around shared pots of kimchi ramen and Korean beef. I called older males “oppa” and older females “unni” and tried to capitalize on the fact that I’m ethnically full Korean, born in Seoul, South Korea. I watched Korean dramas night and day, attempting to copy the girls’ looks and mannerisms.
However, despite my best efforts, my Korean American fling was short-lived, at least for this year. I found that no matter how hard I tried, I didn’t feel part of the Korean American community. I didn’t speak the language. I didn’t understand the culture. I didn’t know the history, and I hadn’t even met the people, the organizations, or the programs. At best, I learned to cook a mean kimchi soup and at worst, I began to understand that my Korean American identity is perhaps lacking.
It was then that I realized how much my relationship with the Japanese American community meant to me, and I ran back into its arms. Not to say that a future in the Korean American community isn’t a potential reality, but for the time being, I have admitted temporary defeat.
And in doing so, I have come to truly appreciate my relationship with the Japanese American community. I grew up going to church, playing basketball, learning minyo, and attending JACL board meetings. As a child I watched my uncles pound mochi, and as a teenager I traveled to Manzanar each year. My comfort food is chazuke, and I still tell my Vietnamese roommate that I am going “ne ne” now, to which she always looks at me in confusion. Often I find myself being too polite for my own good, or unquestioningly respecting authority, or saving Ziploc bags and Styrofoam meat trays, and I wonder if this is all due to being Japanese American.
In the end, though, I’ve come to understand that growing up in a community with a strong cultural identity has given me the foundation to attempt to make inroads into another community which is not always especially welcome of outsiders. As a Korean American literally adopted into the Japanese American community, I do claim the Japanese American community as my own and I am grateful for the place it has given me to grow up in, but I am also able to contrast my inclusion in the Japanese American community and my exclusion in the Korean American community and wonder how I will come to rectify that.
And I guess you can say that my relationship with the Japanese American community is that of an open relationship, based on the familiarity and validation I often find within it. The love is definitely still there—nineteen years and still going strong!
I love the way you described your relationship to the JA community as a living entity (it is after all essentially a group of people) rather than as an intangible concept. I too am Japanese-Korean-American, but since I grew up in such a strong Japanese environment and am ethnically predominantly Japanese, I regret to say that my Korean heritage has been dormant for quite some time (and still is). Especially because I don’t speak the language or know anything about the country and culture, I don’t feel particularly close to the Korean-American community. However, hopefully I can change that in the near future. (So, do you have any recommended K-dramas?
Your story really resonated with me because I feel (to a lessor extent) exactly the opposite. I grew up a community where the largest minority group is Korean American. During middle school I was obsessed with Blue Bear, pens from Morning Glory, and kimchi. I starting watching “Full House” on bootleg DVDs. I still get almost all of my Japanese grocery foods from a Korean store. I also grew up with a grandmother that still retains that sense of Japanese-Korean enmity. Experiences like yours make me hopeful that our generation will be able to acknowledge old grievances but also work together to move past them.
It’s interesting how you mentioned the note about being so involved with the Korean culture, but not quite feeling as if you fully belonged. I kind of went through a similar phase with the filipino culture. I think we just take for granted the things we grow up with, but it’s good to know that it’s still a comfort zone. Being able to learn about other cultures’ values and traditions is still a great opportunity to keep us open minded.
I’m glad that you’ve chosen to work on your relationship with the JA community. I know this is not politically correct, but in my own personal experience, while the Japanese American community, its organizations, teams, and churches, are often very receptive to newcomers and people who don’t necessarily fit in with its culture, the Korean community is much more exclusive. A case in point: A Korean friend invited me to attend her church, telling me to go and she’d meet me there. At the gate, a convoluted entry system kept me at the edge of the parking lot for five minutes, and when i finally made it to the door of the church, i was literally turned away. Now, I don’t know how folks are supposed to be fishers of men if men who aren’t intimately acquainted with the intricacies of the community aren’t even allowed to visit. It’s very brave to put aside your blood/birth ethnicity for the culture with which you truly identify.
i think its bomb that going to berkeley gave you a chance to explore your korean american identity and the korean american community. they don’t need to be multually exclusive, and being well-entrenched in one shouldn’t mean that you can’t be just as devoted to the other. as a hapa, i often feel that people try to push me into one community/life, which is hard when i feel like i don’t truly belong to either. its bomb that you feel more solidified in your position in the ja community, and i hope that when you find your way back to the korean american community it doesnt entail renounce your former relationship with the ja one.
Finding that balance between what it means to be loyal to two different ethnicities (in this case, the JA and KA communities) is definitely a challenge. I too, have found difficulties in understanding what it means to be both Japanese American and Chinese American. Whatever you end up finding a long lasting relationship with, make sure you’re happy.
Also, I think it was pretty creative for you to mention your relationship with the JA community as if it were personified.
Hey, I think this is a really good sincere post about how your attitude has changed over time towards the JA community. Even though I’m full Japanese I didn’t get a chance to get involved until college, and I was really touched about how open and receptive the JA community is, so I can definitely relate on that level. I too hope that you can find the ideal balance between the different cultures that you identify yourself with, and take the best of all worlds to have an open attitude towards everyone in our society.